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Dragon Ball, An Epic?

» Articles, Features, Rant-ON | posted by Piro^kun on 01/29/2006 [Discuss]


Dragon Ball, An Epic? ——————————————-

By: Piro^kun

     The Odyssey, The Iliad, Paradise Lost, Gulliver’s Travels…Dragon Ball Z?!? Yes folks, that’s right. I’m here today to talk about epic literature. After reading that first sentence you may be saying to yourself, ‘What the hell does this guy think he’s saying? Dragon Ball Z can’t compare to those pillars of literature’. You may then feel a sharp prick in the back of your neck as my stealth ninjas shoot you with a drug to make you follow my every command. At least I hope you do…those ninjas are expensive and I don’t pay them to slack off. Anyhoo, back to Dragon Ball Z as a figure in epic literature. Now I can already see the emails coming. They will have subjects like ‘DBZ SUX!!!!111′, ‘YOU ARE STUPID’ or other such lovely, touching sentiments about me. The body of these kind emails will be filled with threats, exclamation points, misspellings (i.e. sux, stoopid, f-*ahem* ediot), comments about the size or beauty of my mother (or other members of my family), and anatomical impossibilities concerning a DBZ DVD and my posterior. Oh how I love the Internet. However one must consider that Dragon Ball Z was one of the first anime (animes? animii?) I have ever watched, and although I know that is truly awful, I have a special attachment to it. I show my affection for this series the same way I show affection for my women, by taunting them mercilessly until they collapse into a crying and screaming mess (Note: Don’t try this on a significant other…you will spend a cold, lonely night in your bed). 

Back to how such literature as Dragon Ball is epic. Tell me, what is more epic than a man with spiked hair that is named after a food, rides a cloud around (when he isn’t flying), attacks people with a pole that can grow to any length (who hasn’t gotten sexual innuendo from that?), and shoots laser beams from his hands? Not much. Unless you consider the green alien that grew from an egg, split into two parts (a yin and yang, of course), regenerates limbs and somehow speaks Japanese even though he came from a planet so very far away. Only one thing can compare to this. That is the purple-haired boy from the future who comes to warn our aforementioned hero that he will die of a fatal heart disease and also to tell him to destroy killer robots that will end all good life on the planet…when he could have just killed the creator of the robots before he made them. 

So much for the characters.

Now…about the worlds in which these characters live. In DBZ the Earth is not exactly how we know it now. In this Earth, people live side by side with green aliens. Aliens who, although they are green, have antennae, claws, and (as I said before) regenerate their limbs, have no clue at all that they are aliens. Amazing. Of course one can’t fault these aliens. It is hard to see yourself as odd when the world in which you live is also inhabited by people who turn into giant monkeys during a full moon, and even simple things like the fact that the chief of police and also many airline pilots are dogs. Another interesting thing about this world is that everything can be (and is) stored in little, pill-like capsules. Now that is a convenience not found in The Odyssey! Boo-ya to you Homer! 

But a requirement for a story to be considered an epic is a decent into the underworld. This is actually accomplished many times, considering our hero is often killed by laser beams shot from people’s hands (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?). He then sees that the fate of the universe’s population when they die is in the fate of one very overworked bureaucrat. He also sees that hell (HFIL?) is nothing but a giant amusement park. If that’s not epic…then I am going to fail my literature class. ^_^

I hope that this little trip through my thoughts has enlightened you to the shining example for today’s aspiring authors, cartoonists, scriptwriters, and idiotic fanboys that is called Dragon Ball Z. I also hope that you can find it in your hearts to not automatically flame someone who likes DBZ, but pause for a minute and think about where they are coming from and how they feel about the series…then flame them (but with a smile).

Signing off…
Piro ‘Not the guy from
Megatokyo‘ kun


Main Idea of this Rant?! - DBZ an epic?  You decide. 


Closing Statement(s) - Alpha - I realize this article of Rant-ON was not written by me, it was written by Piro^kun who contributed this rant to me somewhere during his first two weeks when he joined the Sou.  I did not take much of a look at it (mainly because it was about DBZ ^_^;;), and has since then put it aside, up until now, I think this article is pretty funny and since Piro is currently wandering around the world beyond the Sou, I feel this article would bring a sort of existence of him in the site during his absence.  God bless, where ever you are.

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